


Monsters

by GalaxyAqua



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, Dangan Ronpa 3: The End of 希望ヶ峰学園 | The End of Kibougamine Gakuen | End of Hope's Peak High School
Genre: Canon Compliant, Canonical Character Death, Character Study, F/M, Introspection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-16
Updated: 2016-09-16
Packaged: 2018-08-15 06:56:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8046595
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalaxyAqua/pseuds/GalaxyAqua
Summary: Andou Ruruka is rotten to the core. She knows that. Just like she knows that there are billions and billions of sob stories in the world, and somewhere along the line, she stopped caring. Ruruka-centric.





	Monsters

**Author's Note:**

> spoilers up to dr3 ep 9 mirai-hen
> 
> this was my attempt to get a more clear understanding of ruruka's character. it was a massive challenge! by the way, I am in no way defending her behaviour or her actions. I just want to justify them in /her own mind/, as I believe she would have done to convince herself she was doing the right thing.
> 
> also this was lowkey inspired by Zero Escape's VLR, so if you've played that game and something sounds familiar... you're right. (no spoilers though, dw!!)

Human beings are, at their roots, naïve.  

They trust too quickly, and forgive too soon. They're let down, time and time again, but cling to the small hope of change and renewal. They're irrational, idiotic and insignificant. At least, that's all Ruruka's ever known. They think a few pretty words can fix everything? That's just pathetic. 

So entirely, absolutely,

Pathetic.

It's almost sickening how easily people can be deceived by appearances, too. Bat some eyelashes, throw a smile here and there, offer some candy as a sweet little gift and they're all yours. 

And if they're not? Ruin them. Make them regret it.

Oh, yeah,

She's twisted, she's well aware. 

Andou Ruruka is rotten to the core. She knows that. Just like she knows that there are billions and billions of sob stories in the world, and somewhere along the line, she stopped caring. 

People die. People suffer. Get over it. 

She's so _sick_ of believing in humanity; sick of believing in hope for a better future, and sick of being betrayed by the people she loves the most. Sick of the possibility that at any moment, someone she trusts could turn on her. Someone she trusts could kill her. 

It took all her life to shape her current philosophy, but it holds true as anything can: Andou Ruruka wants to be feared and adored simultaneously and without resistance. She doesn't care how and she doesn't care why. Control is key. 

It's the only way to ensure a place of safety in this world of decay, and she will resort to anything to achieve it. 

(Anything! Absolutely, positively anything!)

But alas, the stars never align with her plans. Nothing ever does, in the end. 

Vain, arrogant, condescending, manipulative, disgusting. She's an awful human being, maybe the very worst kind, and she knows it, she fucking knows it. 

Is it a sin to want to live? Is it a sin to want to protect oneself? Is it a sin to want to survive, even if it costs another life - how does one choose which is better: to live knowing you killed someone or to die knowing they killed you? 

To live knowing you won, or to die knowing you lost, and to someone you believed in to the bitter end? That they took a knife and back stabbed you, because betrayal was ever more possessive and controlling than love and trust could ever be? Knowing they betrayed you because despair was ever more powerful than pitiful hope?

(She’s going to see it with her own eyes! Someone die, from bitter betrayal!)

(They’re going to die knowing their one most important person murdered them! Tragic, tragic, tragic! If only Ruruka _cared_!)

She can't lose, she thinks. She won't lose. 

Some might tell her life isn't a game, but Ruruka thinks everything in this earth is a big load of bullshit anyway, and if anyone's going to live, it better be her. She deserves it, for getting this far. At least, after the Tragedy, she deserves it a whole lot more than some other choice people do.

(Doesn't she?)

Oh, and for goodness' sake, why save the weak when they're useless anyway?

She didn't join Future Foundation for a free lunch, and she certainly isn't impressed with the other figureheads in this place. Let's see, there's weak-willed, weak-mannered, weak resolve, weak morals, weak personality; the list goes on. It would almost be too easy to clamber to the top, if only she could place her trust in any of these weaklings - which she can't, and she won't. 

She has Izayoi Sonosuke, and maybe that's enough. 

Izayoi and his red jacket and his powerful stare. Izayoi and his tall, foreboding figure; his cold hands, his rare smile. _Her_ Izayoi, and _Izayoi’s_ Ruruka.

Izayoi has been Ruruka's companion since they were very little, after all. They're a set package, always seen together, and she cannot imagine them apart. 

There's not a memory in her mind that isn't shared with him, and perhaps their codependence is inexplicably unhealthy, but she does not care.

Ruruka will not live without Yoi-chan, and he will not live without her: this is the final verdict. They don't have to say it. They both know already. 

(How much does Izayoi love her? How much does she love Izayoi?)

(Can anything in this universe compare?)

They know that when Ruruka reaches out with her delicate hand, Izayoi is always ready to grasp it. They know that secrets don't exist between them; and not for long, if ever. They know that whenever anyone poses a threat to Ruruka, Izayoi is the first to defend her. To protect her. Always. 

Ruruka will protect Izayoi's pride, and supply his addiction to confectionery all the same. She prepares all she can to make him comfortable, because being with Yoi-chan is like breathing air and if they were to part, she could suffocate. They feed off each other, they're a codependent duo, they're partners in crime, and a couple in sweet, disgusting, tragic, stupid love. 

That's really why she should have known. 

(Ruruka. Ruruka! Betray or be betrayed?)

Of course, more than anybody in the world, Ruruka loved and trusted Izayoi like he was the only one that mattered. It's because he is, and was, to this day, the only human being she's known that isn't revolting and despicably weak. That is, to say, the only human being Ruruka can confidently give her life to - but not for. She won't give her life for anyone. 

She's too jaded, too spiteful, too selfish for something like that. 

(Even if you give her the choice a thousand times, even if you turn back time and ask her to play again and again: it will always be the same.)

Even if it's Yoi-chan, she thinks. Even if it's him. The only one who ever truly cared. 

(Ruruka chooses betray.)

Even if it rips and scrapes her soul to shreds to think she could lose him, even if what's left of her terrible conscience screams at the idea of living without him - if it's Yoi-chan or Ruruka, she'd have to pick Ruruka every time. 

If she's only saving one, she's saving herself. 

God,

She's a selfish girl! She knows this! She fucking knows - nobody ever told her otherwise, nobody every taught her how to care, how to feel empathy, and it's too late for that now! 

Nobody ever stopped her twisted, twisted mind from coiling over and into itself, churning repeatedly the fact that she would die alone just like everyone dies alone, and that everyone lies about themselves - betrayal is everywhere, everyday, and sometimes you can't even trust yourself because you'd end up killing the people you want more than anything to be by your side until the end of time!

(She never believed in herself.)

(Why would she have been like that to Seiko, if she had? She was jealous. People like Seiko could do anything, without help. People like Seiko didn't need to abuse their friendship rights for an ounce of security. For a confidence boost. For an extra burst of talent. People like Seiko didn't know what it was like to not be able to trust anybody. Not even your own reflection.)

Nobody ever taught her how to make friends or to connect to people! Nobody ever told her what was right or wrong! Learn it yourself? Stop bullshitting! Kids learn from seeing, kids learn from doing, kids learn from being told 'yes' and being told 'no', and spoiled little brats just never ever learn! 

(She never learnt.)

(She was spoiled because everybody thinks a cute girl can do no wrong. They destroyed her with their shallowness, and she couldn't be built up again. Not years later, not decades later. Never.)

Nobody ever told her how the world would treat a girl who depends solely on other people, but can't for the life of her, trust them at all! 

(She never trusted.)

(That was how it always was.)

Nobody ever told her how much it would cost to feel safe! How much it costs to let people in, only for them to take it all away - to depend on people, only to be shattered time and time again! She was objectified, extorted, ridiculed (it’s all in your mind! Your mind, it’s ravenous, you silly little girl! Stop pretending, stop acting like you’re the victim! Everyone knows it's your fault! Ruruka, Ruruka, you're horrible! How dare you for a second think that you're the one who got hurt the most?) and for what reason? To let her do the same to others? Because she sure did - 

She hurt Seiko. She hurt Izayoi. She hurt so many people trying to make her way through life and it just doesn't matter anymore because she doesn't care! She doesn't care how they feel, she doesn't care about the torture she's put people through, because how can that even compare?

How can that compare to looking at yourself in the mirror and shrieking, "you'll never be able to trust anyone because people despise girls like you! They hate your guts, they loathe girls who care about themselves, you're disgusting for thinking you're even worth anything, you pathetic, awful, terrible human being!"

And then stalking off into the public eye like you're perfect and flawless and untouchable? How can she empathise with people who don't know what it's like to act like the best because they know they're the worst kind of person (she knows, of course she knows) and they can't ever change that? 

How does anything compare to knowing just how much it hurts when a little girl realizes that there are no monsters under the bed – there never were! Because they’re all inside your head!

(Monsters in your head. Monsters in your head! Horrifying! Terrifying! How do you live?)

(How can you live,

Knowing that the only thing in the world to be afraid of,

Is yourself?!)

Sacrificing Izayoi, the selfless heart to her selfish soul, stole the last of Ruruka's remnants of humanity. 

A kiss to kill, answered with a kiss to _forgive._

To think, someone would say, "I love you," to their murderer,

Honestly,

Izayoi Sonosuke is the only thing that mattered, and now he's gone. He's cold and lifeless, never to rouse from slumber again, in the arms of his killer and lover and the most terribly miserable girl on earth. 

(Monster, monster, monster! You don’t deserve to live!)

(His face is spilling blood. Poison. You're toxic. He's poisoned. He's finally been killed.)

(By you.)

She runs. Ruruka, in her shattered state, runs because she's unable to own up for wrenching her own life apart. For ripping the breath from her lungs and leaving her gasping for air - without Izayoi, suffocating. 

She runs because people betray other people, and she's no better. She's never been better than anyone, because she is the worst kind of person and she knows it. 

(“I’ll live anyway! Fuck you! Fuck all of you and your pretty little lies and your burning hatred for selfish girls and girls who just want to be better than everybody else! I’ll live just to spite you all, I’ll live so that you can never be happy!”)

(“I’ll live so that you can suffer like I suffered! A victim – to Andou Ruruka!”)

("The worst girl in the world!")

The ground is hard, and the roof is shaking. Her run is more mad than anything she's felt in her entire life.

Though,

She stops running when she sees the final nail hit the head.

All her nightmares - all her revolving beliefs about trust and being trusted - affirm themselves. Affirm everything, when she sees it:

(Someone die, from bitter betrayal!)

(She'd see it, remember? Oh, she'd see it. She'd see it.)

“ … Munakata …”

Cold eye, a single eye, staring. Endless. There's another body crumpling to the ground.

(Sakakura! Munakata! What’s happening – what’s going on!?)

Ruruka swallows her tears, and shakes in terror.

(No, no, no, this can’t be happening, this _can’t be –_ )

She’s alone, and she’s witnessed a murder – cruel, and unforgiving. Soulless, Munakata Kyousuke, slaying his best friend of many, many years. Brutally.

(No empathy! None!)

(Remember, Ruruka? You don’t care – you _don’t care about anyone here!_ )

She picks up her feet and carries on, eyes watery and burning. She doesn't care, she tells herself, there's no way she cares. Sakakura almost killed her. She almost killed him. They have no relation to each other - they  _hate_ each other! She has to get out of here.

She has to survive for Izayoi, so his death wasn't in vain. She has to do it for the both of them; so her broken, unsaturated soul can ignite with feeling again. 

No matter what, Ruruka has to survive. She knows it. She won't let anything stop her. 

Not the timer, not the forbidden action, not any of the awful people left in this goddamn place.

Ruruka will not lose.

But,

Andou Ruruka,

Human beings are, at their roots, naïve, after all. 

_Aren’t you only human, too?_


End file.
